Written by Tracey Kennedy
As the holiday season approaches, our calendars often fill with dinners, parties, family visits and shopping lists. What should feel like a time of connection and joy can quietly turn into overwhelm. Between the pressure to say yes to every invitation and the unspoken expectations of family traditions, many of us end up exhausted by the time the new year arrives.
That’s where boundaries come in. Far from being rigid walls, boundaries are gentle but firm guidelines that protect your energy, support your well-being and allow you to show up fully. During the busiest time of year, they can mean the difference between a joyful holiday and one spent running on empty.
Why Boundaries Feel Hard at the Holidays
This season is wrapped in ideas of generosity and togetherness, which can make saying no feel uncomfortable. Many people push past their own limits to avoid conflict or disappointment. But when you override your needs again and again, your body and mind send signals—fatigue, irritability, anxiety or that heaviness when another invitation appears. These are not flaws. They are reminders from your nervous system that your energy is being stretched too far.
A Simple Framework: Green, Yellow, Red
When I talk with clients about boundaries, I sometimes use a traffic-light metaphor. It’s simple, intuitive and easy to apply when you’re caught in the swirl of holiday decisions:
- Green boundaries
They might look like stepping outside for a breath of fresh air during a family gathering or leaving your phone in another room at dinner so you can be fully present. - Yellow boundaries
These involving asking yourself to pause and check in before committing. You might say “Let me look at my schedule and get back to you,” or agree to help with one task but not all of them. This gives you space to honour your capacity. - Red boundaries
These are firm and non-negotiable. They might be declining an event that would leave you depleted or choosing not to engage in conversations that feel harmful. Red boundaries protect your deepest well-being.
Protecting Your Energy This Season
- Pause before committing. A simple “I’ll let you know tomorrow” creates space to notice what feels right.
- Use kind, clear language. Phrases like “That doesn’t work for me this year” or “I can’t stay late, but I’d love to join for dinner” keep the tone warm while honouring your needs.
- Build in buffer time. Plan quiet moments before or after gatherings—a walk in the snow, an early bedtime or a few minutes of meditation can help reset your nervous system.
- Honour your personal rituals. Whether it is a morning cup of tea, a workout or time outdoors, protect the daily practices that keep you steady.
- Let go of the extras. Not every holiday task is essential. Choose what matters most and release the rest.
Reflect Before the Rush
A few minutes of reflection can help you move through the season with more ease. Ask yourself:
- Which commitments feel nourishing, and which feel draining?
- Where might a gentle green or yellow boundary help me stay balanced?
- What firm red boundary will protect my peace this year?
Moving Into the Holidays with Intention
The holidays hold so much potential for connection, laughter and meaning. Boundaries allow you to experience those moments fully instead of running on empty. They give you space to breathe, to rest and to savour the warmth of gathering with people you care about. Think of them as the quiet structure that helps the season feel lighter, calmer and more joyful.
Tracy Kennedy is a registered social worker and trauma-trained psychotherapist with over 15 years of experience. Registered in both Ontario and British Columbia, she helps adults heal from trauma using EMDR, Somatics, EFT, Polyvagal theory and the Safe and Sound Protocol. With a compassionate and practical approach, Tracy draws from both her expertise and personal healing journey to guide clients toward recovery, offering hope and empowerment every step of the way.
Learn more: tracykennedytherapy.com | Instagram: @tracy.kennedy.therapy
This article was published in The Good Life.
